Refinding your why: 4 Steps To Navigating Midlife with Compassion + Astrology

By: Debi Gollan

Refinding Your Why: 4 steps to Navigating Midlife with Compassion + Astrology

May 18, 2022 | 0 comments

By Debi Gollan


Are you re-identifying with your why? 

Most of us understand that life is experienced through cycles of development. From pre-natal all the way through the end of life. There are predictive stages of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual development. These stages urge us to let go of older versions of ourselves in order to make way for the newer parts to arrive and take root.

Around the age of 40, a few years after giving birth to my third child, I was facing challenges in my life that were a result of my own personal patterns of behavior and belief systems. I was balancing parenting, work, marriage, finances, and a full social life. My partner and I were struggling to do it all, and we had lost our way with each other and most importantly with ourselves. I had lost my who, what, why and how! 

This was the beginning of a stage that brought birth and loss … over and over again. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was in the midst of my midlife astrological transits. 

We all go through times of confusion, pain, and loss mixed with new insights, renewal, and healing. Ultimately, this period from late 30’s into early 50’s, is about death and renewal which brings maturity and wisdom. I wrote about the astrology of this time period in more detail on my Mindful Musing blog.

Midlife Crisis? Nope — Natural Process

Midlife is a stage of development when we begin to transition from young adult to older adult. Time becomes more meaningful. Who we are and where we landed becomes a major focus.  Priorities get shuffled and re-organized. Relationships need to shift, deepen, or be released. We ask the big philosophical questions and seek answers. 

Spiritually, it's a time to step into deeper parts of ourselves that were abandoned or set aside  somewhere along the way, in order to achieve our goals and dreams that can also feel like duties and obligations. Universally, we are being asked to make a transformation: to change, to grow, to let go of  a way of being, a way of thinking, a way of relating. 

Change is not a walk in the park. Change is a process. Change is growing pains. This transition has been called the Midlife Crisis. I prefer to call it, the Midlife Process, a series of astrological transits that impact all of us starting in our late 30s through to our 50s, and beyond. It is natural for us to lose our way when we join the real-life ranks of partnership, parenthood, career, and aging, but we can face these challenges and focus on the opportunities that come about as a result. 

Gail Sheehy wrote in her book Passages, “If we have confronted ourselves in the middle passages and found a renewal of purpose around which we are eager to build a more authentic life structure, these may well be the best years.” 

When we can let go of some of our deeply held constructs that are simply just not true and/or that bind us from personal growth, a new sense of freedom, forgiveness, and self-understanding begins to take root. 

4 steps to Navigating Midlife with Compassion + Astrology

I personally continue to integrate these steps into my own life and find renewal when I am faced with challenging moments. 

1. Take responsibility for what YOU are feeling.

    • Find the root cause of your emotional disruption.
    • Trust that you can heal. Trust that forgiveness is available.
    • Be prepared to be very honest with yourself.
    • Stop projecting your feelings onto others. Change “you” statements into “I” statements. (ex: “I feel xyz when I experience xyz.”)
    • Engage in active healing with a trusted guide.

2. Practice self-compassion.

      • Identify the inner critic and give them a name. Use that name to identify the negative self-talk as a way to separate it from your higher self.
      • Find time to exercise, meditate, be in nature, journal, take yourself on a date.
      • Spend time with healthy people who can support you through the process.
      • Know that you are in a process of reorganization and that it will be bumpy. 
      • Be curious and honest with your self discovery.

    3. Practice compassion for others.

        • Identify where you hold judgements of others. Let them go! 
        • Identify the unhealthy relationships in your life and decide how best to engage with these relationships. Set new boundaries or allow the relationship to go.
        • Trust that everyone has their own path and sees through their own lens. 
        • How others see or judge you is not your concern.
        • Know that loss is part of this journey and with loss comes renewal.

      4. Step in.

        • Reclaim your authenticity. Be on purpose in your work and in your relationships.
        • Trust the wisdom that is within you.
        • Allow yourself to change and grow with dignity and grace.
        • Have a team of support around you who take pleasure in your healing and joy.
        • Be of service, and share your reclaimed consciousness in your work in the world.

      Life is a series of loss and renewal. The need to unwind old belief systems shows up when we are in a stage of growth. Growth and healing takes time – and support. Reclaim ME is a healing series I created that combines the ancient tools of Astrology, Intuition Medicine®, and Hypnosis to help you identify deeply held patterns of belief and behaviors that block you from accessing your power and joy. 

      I believe in opening up to the stages of renewal when they show up, because as some wise sage said once, “what we resist, persists.” Your why is waiting for you!

      Debi Gollan is an accomplished Healing Arts Practitioner and a Focus PLUS member.  Using Astrology, Intuition Medicine and Past Life Regression as tools, she accesses clients' unique archetypal imprint. Her mission is to help clients recognize their authentic nature and to identify where patterns of limited beliefs show up in their daily lives. 

      Debi partners with her clients to craft personalized healing sessions with the intention to educate and empower them to activate their own intuitive gifts and self-healing potential. Through her multifaceted approach, Debi’s clients are able to identify their patterns of thought, behaviors and traumas blocking their desired creativity, personal expression, health, and joy. 

      As a result of this work, her clients are able to shift their energy and perspectives in deeply meaningful ways that may not otherwise be as accessible and integrate a fuller compassionate awareness for themselves and others.

      You can learn more about her services at

      Ready to Focus?

      Sign up here to get a FREE Focus Sessions.

      Ready to Focus?

      Sign up here to get 7 days of unlimited Focus Sessions free.